My Real Life Is Funnier Than Anything

Eat As Much As You'd Like. My Philosophy Has Always Been That All Women Desire To Be As Fat As Myself But Just Have A Great Fear Of Doing So. Because They Think They Won't Get Any Men, But You Will. You'll Get More Men, And Better Men.

One Of The First Things I Bought When I Made 'roseanne Show' Money Was A Farm In Iowa.

My Daughter Made Me A Jerry Springer-watching Kit, With Crackers, Cheez Whiz, Polyester Stretch Pants And A T-shirt With Two Fat Women Fighting Over A Skinny Guy.

Self-esteem Is The Goddamn Root Of All Evil.

Meditation State Is A Place Of Deep Relaxation Where You Can Pinpoint The Things You Do And To Set A Paradigm Switch From Effect To Cause. So How To Be A Cause In Your Own Life.