My Stand-up Act? I Combine The Fact

You Can't Make Money On Broadway. You Make Nothing. You Maybe Make Like $1,350 A Week After You Pay Out All The Producers.

It’s Sad. Marxism Didn’t Work. Communism Didn’t Work. Capitalism Doesn’t Work. Nothing Works. Even Democracy Doesn’t Work. Democracy-the Greatest Form Of Government And We Have Two Choices For Who’s Our Leader. In Fascism You Only Have One Choice. That’s Great. We Have One More Choice Than The Worst Form Of Government.

The Ancient Greeks Were The First Ones To Say An Unexamined Life Is Not Worth Living. They Don't Tell You Of Course What We Found Out, An Examined Life Not That Fascinating Either.

I Don't Know Any Comedian Who Tailors His Act To His Audience. Maybe People Say They Do, But I Can't Even Imagine Them.

I'm Just Another Guy Who Thinks He's Smarter Than He Is, In A Long Line Of Them.