Never Do Things For Money. It's Always

Life Doesn't Make Any Sense, And We All Pretend It Does. Comedy's Job Is To Point Out That It Doesn't Make Sense, And That It Doesn't Make Much Difference Anyway.

I Won't Read Scripts Because I Have A Limited Amount Of Time. Why Should I Help Other People Do Lame Stuff When I Can Just Go Out And Put On Lame Stuff Of My Own?

I Believe In The Separation Of Church And Planet.

If You're Famous, You Have To [be Overly Generous], Otherwise People Say, "eric Idle Came In And Only Left Me $4." I Always Tip More Than People Expect.

What's Brown And Sounds Like A Bell? Dung!