Never Drink If You've Got Any Work

A Politician Is An Animal Which Can Sit On A Fence And Yet Keep Both Ears To The Ground.

Only A Jackass Ever Talks Over His Affairs With A Woman, Whether She Be His Sweetheart, Wife, Or Sister, Or Mother.

Most People Want Security In This World, Not Liberty.

Platitude: An Idea (a) That Is Admitted To Be True By Everyone, And (b) That Is Not True.

All [zoos] Actually Offer To The Public In Return For The Taxes Spent Upon Them Is A Form Of Idle And Witless Amusement, Compared To Which A Visit To A Penitentiary, Or Even To A State Legislature In Session, Is Informing, Stimulating And Ennobling.