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John Boehner Is A Member Of A Country Club In Ohio. It Turns Out That The Bartender Was Plotting To Poison Boehner. Now Wait A Minute. Isn't That The Movie With Seth Rogen And James Franco?

They Found A Scrapbook With Photos Of Osama Bin Laden From The '90s, And They're Studying Each And Every Photo Very, Very Closely. My Favorite Shot Of Osama Bin Laden Was Right Between The Eyes.

President Bush Says He Now Wants To Simplify The Tax Code. Only Those In The Blue States Will Pay.

Today Is The Anniversary Of The Gettysburg Address. President Lincoln Wrote It On His Way To The Site Of The Speech On The Back Of An Envelope. One Guy On The Back Of An Envelope Wrote The Great Gettysburg Address - While Every Night It Takes Six Guys To Write This Crap!

It Looks Like President Bush Will Be Handing Over Power To The Iraqis By June 30th. That's Amazing And Not Only That, But It Looks Like He'll Be Handing Over Power To The Democrats By November 2nd.