Nyquil Comes In Two Colors, Red And

[the Weather Channel] Is The Most Watched Cable Channel In America. I'll Repeat That. It Is The Most Watched Cable Channel In America. They Were Worried About The Terrorists Immobilizing Us, And A Portion Of Our Countrymen Watch Weather. 'kay, You Don't Get Any More Immobile Than That... Unless You're In A Goddamn Coma. That Means You're Saying, "i'd Go To The Window, But It's Too Far." If You Want To Know What The Weather Is You Go To A Window And Stick Your Hand Out And If You Want To Know What The Temperature Is You Drive By A Bank.

It's A Shame Cars Don't Run On Cognitive Dissonance.

Nyquil Comes In Two Colors, Red And Green, And It's The Only Thing On The Planet That Tastes Like Red And Green.

What Is The Difference Between A Democrat And A Republican? A Democrat Blows, A Republican Sucks.

I Don't Know If Watching Chaz Bono Will Turn Your Kids Into Transsexuals, But I'm Pretty Sure That Letting Them Watch Keith Ablow Will Turn Them Into Assholes