(on Fox News).... It's Like Watching A

If This Is Going To Be A Christian Nation That Doesn't Help The Poor, Either We Have To Pretend That Jesus Was Just As Selfish As We Are, Or We've Got To Acknowledge That He Commanded Us To Love The Poor And Serve The Needy Without Condition And Then Admit That We Just Don't Want To Do It.

I Have Two Last Pieces Of Advice. First, Being Pre-approved For A Credit Card Does Not Mean You Have To Apply For It. And Lastly, The Best Career Advice I Can Give You Is To Get Your Own Tv Show. It Pays Well, The Hours Are Good, And You Are Famous. And Eventually Some Very Nice People Will Give You A Doctorate In Fine Arts For Doing Jack Squat.

I Cannot Stand People Who Disagree With Me On The Issue Of Roe V. Wade... Which I Believe Is About The Proper Way To Cross A Lake.

Odyssey Dawn? That's Not A Military Operation. That's A Carnival Cruise Ship.

Senator Kerry Does Not Support Our Troops. If He Had Won The Election, There Wouldn't Be Any Troops Left In Iraq. President Bush, On The Other Hand, Has Given Our Troops An Opportunity To Fight Without End. That's Creating Jobs. In Fact, The President's Policies Helped Create 104 More Job Openings Last Month. Now Who's Stupid, Senator?