One Of The Most Difficult And Ironic

I Saw A Sign That Said, 'watch For Children.' I Was Like, 'that Sounds Like A Fair Trade - Especially If They're Crappy Kids.'

Relationships, Like Eyebrows, Are Better When There Is Space Between Them.

Man Versus Woman Equals Fun. Man Versus Man Equals Gay. Woman Versus Woman Equals Awesome. Man Versus Pillow Equals Crazy. Pillow Versus Pillow Equals Crazy Awesome - That's A Real Pillow Fight Right There. You See Two Pillows Fighting, You Know Something's Going Down. They're Designed For Relaxation. If They're Fighting, What Hope Do We Have? One Time I Saw Two Geese Fighting, And I Was Like, 'this Is A Pillow Fight Ahead Of Time.

There Is A Small, But Important, Difference Between Peeing In The Pool, And Peeing Into The Pool.

When Someone Describes Themself As A Taxpayer, They're About To Be An Asshole.