People Don't Talk To Me On Airplanes.

There's A Reason It's Called 'girls Gone Wild' And Not 'women Gone Wild'. When Girls Go Wild, They Show Their Tits. When Women Go Wild, They Kill Men And Drown Their Kids In A Tub.

You're A Tourist In Sexual Perversion. I'm A Prisoner There.

A Lot Of Stand-up Specials For Cable Are Meant To Glorify The Comedian. They Put You In A Really Beautiful Theater, And Sometimes They Even Blow A Little Smoke In There To Make It Misty And Sweet. They Make The Guy Look Like He's A Big Rock Star. But Comedy's Not Really Glamorous. It Doesn't Enhance Comedy For It To Look Good.

I Was A Nerd Growing Up, And I'm A Little Antisocial And Awkward.

Breaking Records Is Not Something You Expect To Be Doing. That's Like A Sports Thing, It's Not Usually A Comedy And Writing Thing.