People Have To Stop Saying That Just

The Worst Years Of My Life Were The First Two Years I Was Doing Standup. You're Learning How To Do, And You're Going On Stage In Front Of Two Drunks And People Aren't Laughing And You're Broke. That's A Really Hard Time In Your Life.

Tea Party Has Now Cost The Republicans 5 Senate Seats. My Next Donation Is Going To Them.

My Father Said, Bring Along Your Best Girl. This Is Something You Say To A Pimp!

Don't Wear Bacon Cologne. If You Put On...you Know What? Screw It. Wear It. If You Are The Type Of Guy Who Is Tempted To Wear Bacon Cologne, It's Not Like You Could Get Laid Any Less.

Community Is Gathering Around A Fire And Listening To Someone Tell A Story.