President Bush Said The Other Day The

The Big Rumor Going Around Is, We May Begin Bombing Iraq. Or, As The White House Calls It, Operation Keep Enron Off The Front Page.

In Huntington Beach, California, Three Police Instructors Lost Their Jobs After Ordering Two Cadets Who Were Caught Smoking To Eat Cigarette Sandwiches As Punishment. And Of Course The Tobacco Companies Are Thinking, 'cigarette Sandwiches - What A Great Idea.'

The Nation's Largest Savings And Loan, Washington Mutual, Has Become The Biggest Bank Failure In History. See, The Problem With The Savings And Loans? Not Enough Savings, Too Many Stupid Loans, Okay In Fact, They Changed Their Name From Wamu To 'screw You.'

If God Had Wanted Us To Vote, He Would Have Given Us Candidates.

Today Arnold Schwarzenegger Made Another Major Announcement. He Said His Lieutenant Governor Will Be Xena, Warrior Princess.