Reciting Lines Is Hard; Making Stuff Up

My Real Last Name Is Galifianakisburg.

You Know How Some People Have Gay-dar? I Have Fat-dar. I Can Automatically Tell If You're Fat Or Not. And I Also Have Cerebral-palsy-dar.

The Problem With These Interviews Is That There's No Sarcastic Font.

I Get Burned Out On Standup. But I Like Acting. I Do Like It. But Sometimes You Just Feel Like A Monkey. You Just Feel Like A Complete Tool. But I Like It. I Do Like It. Stand-up Is Just More Free. A Lot More Freedom Because You Just Do What You Want To Do.

I Watch A Happy Person Doing Stand-up, And I Go, "what The Hell Is This? This Person's Happy!" You Need Internal Conflict. You Need The Guy To Be Out Of Step With Society. It's A Tool For Comedy.