Sarah Palin Is Joining Fox News. The

Barack Obama Is Putting His Team Together To Take Over The Administration. So Far, He's Got His Mother-in-law, Who Is Going To Be Living With Him, And They Are Talking About Hillary For Secretary Of State. You Have Your Mother-in-law And Hillary Clinton. Sounds Like Smooth Sailing To Me.

Mitt Romney Is Doing What He Can. He's Trying Very Hard. He Wants To Unite America, The Rich With The Wealthy, The Poor With The Indigent, And The White With The Caucasian.

Iraq's Elite Republican Guard Is Doing So Badly They're Changing Their Name To The Democratic Guard.

President Obama Is In China. Also In China Is Evil Russian Dictator Vladimir Putin. They're Both In China At The Same Time. It's Like Running Into Your Ex-girlfriend On Vacation.

I Got A Call From My Mom Today, She Says, 'well, David, I See You Didn't Get The 'tonight Show' Again.'