School Shootings Were Invented By Blacks... And

Here's What I Knew About Doing A Play: I Knew It Would Make Me A Better Actor.

When You Have Kids, There's No Such Thing As Quality Time. There's Just Time. There's No, 'ooh, His Graduation's Better Than Going To The Mall.' It's All Kind Of Equal. Changing Her Diaper And Her Winning A Contest - It's All Good.

You Can Never Make A Woman Happy, It's Impossible. I've Never Met A Happy Woman In My Life. They're Always Complaining About Something.

You Know What Ged Stands For? Good Enough Diploma.

I'm Like The Hulk On Stage. It's Way Over The Top. That's Bizarro Chris. Sometimes I Get Off Stage And Go What Did I Say?! I'll Watch One Of My Stand-up Specials A Year Later And Go Eww, That Was Mean.