She Was So Ugly That I Took

I'm At An Age Where I Think More About Food Than I Do About Sex. Last Week I Put A Mirror Over My Dining Room Table.

I Came From A Real Tough Neighborhood. I Put My Hand In Some Cement And Felt Another Hand.

I Come From A Stupid Family. During The Civil War My Great Uncle Fought For The West.

My Parents Didn't Like Me. For Bathtub Toys They Gave Me A Blender And A Transistor Radio.

At Christmas Time We Couldn't Afford Tinsel, So We'd Wait Till Grandpa Sneezed.