She Was So Ugly That I Took

My Mother Never Breast Fed Me, She Told Me She Only Liked Me As A Friend.

I Worked In A Pet Store And People Would Ask How Big I Would Get.

Never Guess Your Wife's Size. Just Buy Anything Marked Petite And Hold On To The Receipt.

My Wife Isn't Very Bright. The Other Day She Was At The Store, And Just As She Was Heading For Our Car, Someone Stole It! I Said, "did You See The Guy That Did It?" She Said, "no, But I Got The License Plate."

My Family Was A Bunch Of Drunks. When I Was Six I Came Up Missing, They Put My Picture On A Bottle Of Scotch.