So I Rang Up British Telecom, I

It's Never Occurred To Me To Worry About My Health, Or That I'll Get Old, Or That People Will Stop Laughing At Me.

America Has Only 100 Senators For 309 Million People, But Stormont Has 108 Members For 1.7 Million.

My Uncle Jimmy Took Liver Salts Twice A Day For 40 Years. He Died On Sunday, Was Buried Wednesday And The Following Friday They Had To Go To The Cemetery To Beat His Liver To Death With A Stick.

I Said To The Waitress, "there's A Fly Swimming In My Soup." She Said: "you've Got Too Much Soup - He Should Only Be Able To Paddle."

What's The Difference Between My Wife And A Terrorist? You Can Negotiate With A Terrorist.