Sometimes This High-tech World Calls For Low-tech

Normally If I Met A Guy Who Was Unemployed And Illiterate Who Hadn't Bathed In A Couple Of Weeks, I'd Be Standing In A Puddle With Excitement, But I'm Sort Of In A Bad Mood Tonight, So Take This Bag And Give Me The Fu**ing Paper Before I Pop Your Head Like A Zit. He Said, You're A Lesbian, Aren't You?

Christmas Crept Into Pine Cove Like A Creeping Christmas Thing: Dragging Garland, Ribbon, And Sleigh Bells, Oozing Eggnog, Reeking Of Pine, And Threatening Festive Doom Like A Cold Sore Under The Mistletoe.

Carlton Mellick Iii Has The Craziest Book Titles And The Kinkiest Fans!

I Fear You May Become A Lonely Man, Even In The Company Of Others.

Even A Mentally Challenged Shark Would Figure Out That Sea Turtles Did Not Wear Boxer Shorts Printed In Flying Piggies, And No Sea Turtle Would Be Yattering Streams Of Obscenities Between Chain-smoker Gasps Of Breath.