Stand By Your Bed And Salute Me.

I Don't Drink Anymore For Cinco De Mayo. I Celebrate With Mexican Food, Or As It's Known In Mexico: 'food.'

Scientists Say Over The Next Hundred Years, The Coast Of California Will Sink Almost Five Feet. So The Presidential Candidates Need To Do Something. Mitt Romney Is Conflicted. On One Hand, He Denies That Global Warming Exists. But If California Is Under Water, He Would Definitely Win The Next Election.

That's Why I Believe In A Constitution Which Separates Church From State. I've Seen What Happens When They Get In Cahoots.

Alcohol Ruined Me Financially And Morally, Broke My Heart And The Hearts Of Too Many Others. Even Though It Did This To Me And It Almost Killed Me And I Haven't Touched A Drop Of It In Seventeen Years, Sometimes I Wonder If I Could Get Away With Drinking Some Now. I Totally Subscribe To The Notion That Alcoholism Is A Mental Illness Because Thinking Like That Is Clearly Insane.

...slow Down And Self-edit And Ask Yourself The Three Things You Must Always Ask Yourself Before You Say Anything: "does This Need To Be Said?" "does This Need To Be Said By Me?" "does This Need To Be Said By Me Now?"