Stand By Your Bed And Salute Me.

I Watched The Republican Debate. At One Point, The Candidates Said There Are No Classes In America, A Point Then Hotly Debated By All Six Rich White Guys That Were There.

I Used To Psych Myself Up Before The Show And Now I Do The Complete Opposite: I Psych Myself Down. It's 12:30 At Night, You Don't Want Some Guy Yelling At You. You Want Some Guy Just Talking To You.

Old People Really Do Have A Secret Though. You Wanna Know What It Is? Luck.

Alcohol Ruined Me Financially And Morally, Broke My Heart And The Hearts Of Too Many Others. Even Though It Did This To Me And It Almost Killed Me And I Haven't Touched A Drop Of It In Seventeen Years, Sometimes I Wonder If I Could Get Away With Drinking Some Now. I Totally Subscribe To The Notion That Alcoholism Is A Mental Illness Because Thinking Like That Is Clearly Insane.

You Know, Where I Come From, An Antique, To Be Called An Antique, It Has To Be At Least A Hundred Years Old. That's A Law: Before You Can Call Something An Antique, It Has To Be A Hundred Years Old. In L.a., Something That's Been Around For A Couple Of Weeks Is An Antique. It's True! People Are Like, Look At This Old-fashioned Ipod. Look At This! It's The Size Of A Man's Hand! Ha Ha Ha Ha. Back Then-back Then, People Thought Mel Gibson Was Just Acting Crazy. It Was A Very Different Time.