That's What My Perfume Would Smell Like,

Another Thing I Take Issue With Are People Who Take Their Dogs On "play Dates," Or Even Worse, People Who Choose To Dress Their Dogs Up In Outfits Better Suited For Homosexuals Participating In A Gay Pride Parade. Dog Costumes Are Right Up There With Something Else I Find Particularly Offensive: Sweater Vests.

While Looking At A Website For Liposuction, I Learned That It Was A Six-to Eight-week Recovery Period, The Clincher Being That, During That Time, I Would Under No Circumstances Be Able To Use Street Drugs. Obviously I Had To Think Of A More Realistic Approach.

I Know They Don't Recommend Ibuprofen During Pregnancy, But You Needed Something Fast For The Hangovers.

In These Tough Economic Times, Everybody Has To Cut Back. I Am Down To Three Tabs Of Ecstasy A Day.

I'm Not That Shallow, Asshole. I Don't Need Money. It's Way More Important For Them To Be Good-looking.