The Eyes Are The Window To Where

North Korea Threatened To Attack If Sony Pictures Released The Interview, Forcing Us All To Pretend That We Wanted To See It.

One Afternoon A Girl Walked By In A Bikini And My Cousin Janet Scoffed, “look At The Hips On Her.” I Panicked. What About The Hips? Were They Too Big? Too Small? What Were My Hips? I Didn’t Know Hips Could Be A Problem. I Thought There Was Just Fat Or Skinny. This Was How I Found Out That There Are An Infinite Number Of Things That Can Be “incorrect” On A Woman’s Body.

I Learned Quickly That Trying To Force Country Folk To Love The Big City Is Like Telling Your Gay Cousin, "you Just Haven't Met The Right Girl Yet.

The More New Yorkers Like Something, The More Disgusted They Are. "the Kitchen Was All Sub-zero: I Want To Kill Myself. The Building Has A Playroom That Makes You Want To Break Your Own Jaw With A Golf Club. I Can't Take It.

This Made No Sense To Me, Probably Because I Speak English And Have Never Had A Head Injury.