The Hardest Part Of The Day Is

Comedians Rarely Have Writers, And If You Do It's Usually A Sign Of Laziness.

I Don't Curse On Stage, But I Feel Like I Curse More Because I Have Kids And In Front Of My Kids. Not Intentionally.

There Should Be A Children's Song: 'if You're Happy And You Know It, Keep It To Yourself And Let Your Dad Sleep'.

Jesus If You Could Cure Our Son's Blindness That'd Be Great... And We'd Love Some Shelves Over There.

Smiling Babies Should Actually Be Categorized By The Pharmaceutical Industry As A Powerful Antidepressant.