The Only Rule I Have Found To

I Refuse To Spend My Life Worrying About What I Eat. There Is No Pleasure Worth Foregoing Just For An Extra Three Years In The Geriatric Ward.

The Secret Of Good Health And Happiness Is To Have Rather Small Illnesses Throughout Your Life Which You Can Rely On To Stop You Doing Anything You Don't Want To Do.

When... I Told My Father I Wanted To Be A Writer, He Had Asked Me To Consider My Unfortunate Wife, Who Would Have Me About The House All Day 'wearing A Dressing Gown, Brewing Tea And Stumped For Words'.

On The Three Pigs He And His Wife Own: "we Acquired The Pigs Last Year. My Wife Was Born On A Pig Farm And Has Always Been Very Fond Of Pigs. Of Course, They Are For Eating, Which Is Why They Are Named Breakfast, Lunch And Dinner. You Wouldn’t Want To Eat Rufus, Marcus And Esmeralda.

My Father, To Whom I Owe So Much, Never Told Me The Difference Between Right And Wrong; Now I Think That's Why I Remain So Greatly In His Debt.