The Powder Is Mixed With Water And

We Seem To Be Going Through A Period Of Nostalgia, And Everyone Seems To Think Yesterday Was Better Than Today. I Don't Think It Was, And I Would Advise You Not To Wait Ten Years Before Admitting Today Was Great. If You're Hung Up On Nostalgia, Pretend Today Is Yesterday And Just Go Out And Have One Hell Of A Time.

Put Yourself In Hamlet's Shoes. Suppose You Were A Prince, And You Came Back From College To Discover That Your Uncle Had Murdered Your Father And Married Your Mother, And You Fell In Love With A Beautiful Girl And Mistakenly Murdered Her Father, And Then She Went Crazy And Drowned Herself. What Would You Do? Go Back For A Masters?

Every Once In A While Your World Stands Still... There Are Certain Friendships That Are So Important They Leave A Mark On You Long After The Person Is Gone.

Writing Humor In My Column Isn't As Dangerous As Performing It. If I Fail In Front Of A Live Audience, The Humiliation Is As Great As Anything A Human Being Can Suffer.

Tax Reform Is Taking The Taxes Off Things That Have Been Taxed In The Past And Putting Taxes On Things That Haven't Been Taxed Before.