The Real Truth Is, I Just Want

There Is No Scarier Chasm Of Darkness Than The Human Mind.

My Real Life Is Funnier Than Anything On Tv.

I Will Barnstorm American Living Rooms. Mainstream Media Will Be Unable To Ignore Me, But More Importantly They Will Be Unable To Overlook The Needs Of Average Americans In The Run-up To The 2012 Election.

The Fact That My Grown Kids Like To Hang Out With Me, I Mean, It Just - I Don't Think It Really Can Get Any Better Than That, I Don't Think.

A Guy Is A Lump Like A Doughnut. So, First You Gotta Get Rid Of All The Stuff His Mom Did To Him. And Then You Gotta Get Rid Of All That Macho Crap That They Pick Up From Beer Commercials. And Then There's My Personal Favorite, The Male Ego.