The Same Ten Minutes That Magazines Urge

I Want Every Day To Be The Most Boring News Day Ever. I Want Every Day To Be About Spelling Bee Champions And Baby Basketball. It's Better To Have No Comedy Material Than A Horrific News Day.

Photoshop Is Just Like Makeup. When It’s Done Well It Looks Great, And When It’s Overdone You Look Like A Crazy Asshole.

Politics And Prostitution Have To Be The Only Jobs Where Inexperience Is Considered A Virtue. In What Other Profession Would You Brag About Not Knowing Stuff? “i’m Not One Of Those Fancy Harvard Heart Surgeons. I’m Just An Unlicensed Plumber With A Dream And I’d Like To Cut Your Chest Open.” The Crowd Cheers.

Don't Be Too Precious Or Attached To Anything You Write. Let Things Be Malleable. For Sketch Writers, Remember They're Called Sketches For A Reason. They're Not Called Oil Paintings. Some Of Them Are Going To Stink. You Have To Let Them Stink.

The Supreme Court Is Expected To Rule This Week Whether Banning Cross Burning By Groups Like The Klu Klux Klan Violates The First Amendment. The Outcome Could Affect The Entertainment At Trent Lott's Christmas Party.