The Scots Are A Very Tough People.

So I'm At The Wailing Wall, Standing There Like A Moron, With My Harpoon.

The Irs Sent Back My Tax Return Saying I Owed $800. I Said If You'll Notice, I Sent A Paper Clip With My Return. Given What You've Been Paying For Things Lately, That Should More Than Make Up The Difference.

In College I Was One Of Six Males Who Auditioned For Five Male Roles In A Comedy Play. I Was The One Rejected. At That Moment I Made Up My Mind Never To Place Myself At The Mercy Of Some Pompous, Goateed, Black-turtleneck-shirted "should I Yay Him Or Nay Him?" Pantywaist Ever Again.

People Come Up To Me And Say, 'emo, Do People Really Come Up To You?'

My Mother Was Like A Sister To Me, Only We Didn't Have Sex Quite So Often.