The Scots Are A Very Tough People.

I Love My Family. I Came Home The Other Days. My Brother's Passed-out On The Couch, Holding An Empty Bottle Of Sleeping Pills. So I Called The Paramedics, And They Pumped His Stomach, And I Think He's Learned His Lesson: You Know, Never To Take My Last Two Sleeping Pills.

I Was Sick Of People Making Fun Of My Hair And So I Cut It Off And I've Got Much More Attention Than Ever Before. It Was Like When Mona Lisa Was Stolen From The Louvre In 1906 - Three Times More People Came To See Where It Used To Be.

I Love Florida. I Love The Beach. I Love The Sound Of The Crashing Surfers Against The Rocks.

I Was In A Bar The Other Night, Hopping From Barstool To Barstool, Trying To Get Lucky, But There Wasn't Any Gum Under Any Of Them.

I Was The Kid Next Door's Imaginary Friend.