The Two Best Things You Can Do

You Can't Think The Thoughts You Want To Think If You Think You're Being Watched.

You Can Only Offend Me If You Mean Something To Me.

Are They Real Fires? Or Are People Just Reacting To Something? Just Because There’s An Alarm Going Doesn’t Mean It’s A Fire. And I Think That People Are Confusing The Two. It’s Only A Fire When It Offends The Fans, And The Fans Turn On You. Tosh Has Fans, And They Get The Joke. If You’ve Watched Enough Tracy Morgan, You Let The Worst Thing Go By. When Did Tracy Morgan Become Walter Cronkite? You Have To Mean Something To Me To Offend Me. You Can’t Break Up With Me If We Don’t Date.

I Literally Don't Know What I'm Going To Do Next. That's Successful.

If You Told Me Two Years I Would Miss The Greatest Basketball Game Ever To Hang Out With Nathan Lane, I'd Say, 'you're Crazy!'