The Universe Is Very, Very Big.

There Is A New Bill In The Senate That Is Upsetting A Lot Of People. This Bill Would Give The President The Power To Shut Off The Internet. Al Gore Is Strongly Opposed To It. Not Because He Invented The Internet. Because He Did. But Because He Just Signed Up For Match.com.

I'm Reading A Book, Because I'm Brainy. No, It Is A Book - If You Don't Know, It Is Like A Blog Except Bigger.

I Don't Drink Anymore For Cinco De Mayo. I Celebrate With Mexican Food, Or As It's Known In Mexico: 'food.'

I Love The United States. I Have Applied For Citizenship. I Want To Take The Oath Of Allegiance On Tv.

I Know That's Not The Right Accent, But I Can't Do The Right Accent. It's Either The Wrong Accent Or Another Octomom Joke.