The Way One Was Brought Up Isn't

Gentle Reader: You, Sir, Are An Anarchist, And Miss Manners Is Frightened To Have Anything To Do With You. It Is True That Questioning The Table Manners Of Others Is Rude. But To Overthrow The Accepted Conventions Of Society, On The Flimsy Grounds That You Have Found Them Silly, Inefficient And Discomforting, Is A Dangerous Step Toward Destroying Civilization.

People Who Put Slipcovers, Doilies, Plastic Protectors, And Cellophane On Everything Good That They Own Rarely Live To See An Occasion So Good That All These Covers Are Removed.

Many Of The Guests Will Eventually Leave The Table To Watch Football On Television, Which Would Be A Rudeness At Any Other Occasion But Is A Relief At Thanksgiving And Probably The Only Way To Get Those People To Budge.

The Rationale That Etiquette Should Be Eschewed Because It Fosters Inequality Does Not Ring True In A Society That Openly Admits To A Feverish Interest In The Comparative Status-conveying Qualities Of Sneakers. Manners Are Available To All, For Free.

Life Is Full Of Wonderful Passions That Come And Go Over The Years, But The Only One That Will Never Let You Down Is Reading.