There's No Male Oprah.

No Woman Can Be Completely Happy At Any One Moment In Time. They're Always Anticipating The Next Thing To Argue Or Complain About.

Did You Ever Notice They Never Take Any Fat Hostages? You Never See A Guy Coming Out Of Lebanon Going: "i Was Held Hostage For Seven Months And I Lost 175 Pounds, I Feel Good And I Look Good And I Learned Self-discipline. That's The Important Thing."

Racism Isn't Born, Folks, It's Taught. I Have A Two-year-old Son. You Know What He Hates? Naps! End Of List.

Everybody's Vying For People's Attention In Terms Of Eyeballs, Earholes, And Dollars.

I've Always Had A Thing For Catwoman. Michelle Pfeiffer Or Halle Berry In Tight Leather Pants, With The Boots - I'm Pretty Good With Either One.