Things Don't Make Me Nearly As Happy

There Is No Such Thing As Too Much Fun. People Need To Know It Is O.k. To Tell Jokes And Be Happy.

I Moved From Cleveland To L.a. With A Girlfriend, We Broke Up, And I Lived Out Of My Car For A Year And A Half, On The Road With Nothing On My Mind But Getting My Act Good Enough To Be On 'the Tonight Show.'

Oh, You Hate Your Job? Why Didn't You Say So? There's A Support Group For That. It's Called Everybody, And They Meet At The Bar.

Oh, And Once, When I Was In The Marines, I Got A Perfect Score On My Physical Fitness Test.

The Best Thing About Las Vegas Is That No One Pretends To Be Responsible For Your Behavior Like They Do In The Rest Of The Country. There's No Meddling Self-righteous Liberals Or Right-wing Christian Demagogues Telling You That You Can't Do Something Fun With Your Own Time And Money. If You Can Afford It, It's Yours.