This Time, For The First Time, I

Half Of Them Kept Repeating My Name, Trying To Get It Right, While The Other Half Laughed. But They Were Harmless. Fun Drunks Make A Nice Addition To Any Party: Not Looking To Fight. Not Looking To Score. Just Looking To Get Drunk And Laugh. I Remember Those Guys. Like The Mascots Of The Party. "clay! Whatcha Doon Here? Bah-ha-ha-ha!

Will I Ever Get Control Of My Life? Will I Always Be Shoved Back And Pushed Around By Those I Trust?

After All, How Often Do We Get A Second Chance?

I Could Picture Life—school And Everything Else—continuing On Without Me. But I Could Not Picture My Funeral. Not At All. Mostly Because I Couldn’t Imagine Who Would Attend Or What They Would Say.

I Wanted People To Trust Me, Despite Anything They'd Heard. And More Than That, I Wanted Them To Know Me. Not The Stuff They Thought They Knew About Me. No, The Real Me. I Wanted Them To Get Past The Rumors. To See Beyond The Relationships I Once Had, Or Maybe Still Had But That They Didn't Agree With.