To Be A Comedian, You Have To

Like, My House Has A Nice View, Because, You Know, I Was On 'friends.'

When People Try To Take [smoking] Away From Me I Say, 'hey, I Stopped Everything Else.' But, I Have To Battle That One, Too.

I Have Insanely Dorky Taste. Basically, If You're A Woman, And You're Under Any Kind Of Emotional Duress, And You Sing A Song, I Will Listen To It Forever. It's Odd Being A 37-year-old Heterosexual Male Who Owns Nothing But Sarah Mclachlan And Tori Amos. But I'll Go Against That At First And Play Something Boring Like James Taylor.

'friends' Was A Magical Thing, And No One's Going To Ever Have Anything Like That Again.

Women Always Think That I'm Chandler, So If I Don't Joke Around For Half An Hour They Think That Something's Wrong. Then I Explain That I Don't Have Comedy Writers Scripting Everything I'm Saying At This Particular Dinner.