Today Is Tax Day. A Lot Of

They Say There Are About 12 Million Illegal Immigrants In This Country. But If You Ask A Native American, That Number Is More Like 300 Million.

Happy Birthday To Evil North Korean Dictator Kim Jong Un. He Gathered Family And Friends Together And Celebrated By Executing A Few Close Friends.

Fifteen Years Ago Tomorrow I Had Open Heart Surgery, A Quintuple Bypass Surgery. Thanks To All Of My Doctors. Because Of Them, In 15 Years Of Life I've Been Able To Experience, Well, Acid Reflux, Short-term Memory Loss, And Erectile Dysfunction. Thanks For All Your Work. It's Great To Be Alive.

Trump Says That If He's Elected, He Won't Let The Presidency Interfere With The Miss Universe Pageant.

There's Already Been Some Trouble For Osama Bin Laden In The Afterlife. There Was A Mix Up And He Was Greeted By 72 Vegans.