Today Is The Sort Of Day Where

This Is The Biggest Mistake I Could Think Would Save Me. I Wanted To Give Up The Idea That I Had Any Control. Shake Things Up. To Be Saved By Chaos. To See If I Could Cope, I Wanted To Force Myself To Grow Again. To Explode My Comfort Zone.

We Live And We Die And Anything Else Is Just A Delusion.

The One Thing I Cannot Stand Is When I Do Interviews, When I Interview People, And I Listen To The Tapes And I Hear Myself Talking And Sort Of Stumble And Stammer, Or I Hear The Horrible Sound Of My Own Voice, Or God Forbid I See Myself On Video, There Is That Complete Revulsion With Seeing How I Occur In The World.

There Is Nothing Special In The World. Nothing Magic. Just Physics.

All Major Publishing Houses Have These Big Fat Biographies Sitting There, Waiting For People To Die. All You Have To Do Is Slap On The End And Put In On The Market. It's That Kind Of Commoditization And Completion Of Your Life Before You Die - And This Kind Of Imposition Of A Public Idea Of Self That Replaces The Actual Living Self - That I Find So Frightening.