Try As I Might, I Could Not

Some People Play The Piano, Some Do Sudoku, Some Watch Television, Some People Go Out To Dinner Parties. I Write Books.

Never In My Life Did I Think I Would Be Congratulated By Mick Jagger For Achieving Anything.

It Hasn't Taken Them Long, They Began By Telling Us They Would Have A Positive And Patriotic Case And They're Back To Project Fear Within Minutes. There They Go Again They Have Nothing Positive To Say.

The Geiger-counter Of Olympomania Is Going To Go Zoink Off The Scale.

It Is Said That The Queen Has Come To Love The Commonwealth, Partly Because It Supplies Her With Regular Cheering Crowds Of Flag-waving Picaninnies; And One Can Imagine That Blair, Twice Victor Abroad But Enmired At Home, Is Similarly Seduced By Foreign Politeness. They Say He Is Shortly Off To The Congo. No Doubt The Ak47s Will Fall Silent, And The Pangas Will Stop Their Hacking Of Human Flesh, And The Tribal Warriors Will All Break Out In Watermelon Smiles To See The Big White Chief Touch Down In His Big White British Taxpayer-funded Bird.