Twas The Night Before Thanksgiving.

The First Ads For Medical Marijuana Have Started Airing On Television In California. The Ads Are Quite Expensive. It Costs A Lot Of Money To Buy 30 Seconds During 'spongebob Squarepants.'

During The Cold War, West Berlin Was An Exclave - A Tiny Outpost Of Liberalism Surrounded By People Who Want To Crush It. It Was Like Austin, Texas.

They've Found A Link Between Chemicals In Shampoo And Obesity. If You're Eating Shampoo, Your Weight Is The Least Of Your Concerns.

I Remember Talking To Someone Early On After I Was Sober About How I Suddenly Felt Awkward At Parties. They Said, 'well, You're Supposed To. Everyone Feels Awkward At Parties.' It's An Appropriate Feeling To Feel.

That's Why Credit Card Companies Are Evil. Are They Sponsoring The Show Tonight? ... They Are Evil.