Usually I'm Too Tired To Apologize.

Stupidity Really Gets Me Going, When It's Just Plain Stupid, Obvious Stupidity.

I Don't Believe Pumpkin Pie Is Even Made From Pumpkin. I Mean, How Can Something That Smells That Shitty Make A Pie So Sweet? There's Not Enough Sugar In The Universe.

Kids Seem To Get Me When I Play Colleges - They Like It Because I Go After Them. They'll Come Up After And Say I Am Like Their Dads, Only Funny.

I'm Not A Great Joke Writer, Which Is Odd For A Comic To Say, But I'm Not. So It's Hard For Me To Come Up With Things, Because I Don't Write Stuff, I Don't Write My Act Down.

The Democrats Have Responded To The Republicans' Lack Of Dealing With Reality By Truly Not Dealing With Reality, Either.