We Should Never Judge A Day By

Today, If You're Not An Alcoholic, You're Nobody.

I Wrote A Little Autobiography About How Luck Has To Do With Everything. It's Called "my Lucky Life In And Out Of Show Business." A Publisher Came To Me And Said Write A Book So I Did. I Wanted To Call It "everybody Else Has Got A Book."

Bob Hope, Like Mark Twain, Had A Sense Of Humor That Was Uniquely American, And Like Twain, We'll Likely Not See Another Like Him.

Women Will Never Be As Successful As Men Because They Have No Wives To Advise Them.

I've Retired So Many Times Now It's Getting To Be A Habit.