Were There No Fools, There Would Be

I Went To A Hypnotist. He Put Me Under A Spell, And Every Time I Had A Craving For A Cigarette, I Would Throw Up. It's Very Embarrassing Right After Sex. I Find It Pretty Hard To Get That Second Date After That. Girls Get All Snobby After You Barf On Them.

I Don't Have Any Ambition.

[televised Stand-up] Never Really Makes Me Laugh. The Only One I Ever Saw That I Liked Was Richard Pryor, And That Was [shot On] Film.

Some People Are So Much Afraid Of Being Deceived, That They Never Venture To Trust; Like Misers, Their Avarice Destroys Their Gain.

I've Seen People In Theaters, And It Just Doesn't Work, Because You're Talking To The Guy Next To You The Whole Time.