When Humor Goes, There Goes Civilization.

I Don't Think Women Outlive Men, Doctor. It Only Seems Longer.

I Hated Skiing Or Any Other Sport Where There Was An Ambulance Waiting At The Bottom Of The Hill.

Most Children's First Words Are 'mama' Or 'daddy.' Mine Were, 'do I Have To Use My Own Money?'

When Children Reach The Age Of Sixteen, They Discover The Meaning Of Life: Car Keys.

I Have Never Understood, For Example, How Come A Child Can Climb Up On The Roof, Scale The Tv Antenna, And Rescue The Cat ... Yet Cannot Walk Down The Hallway Without Grabbing Both Walls With His Grubby Hands For Balance.