When Humor Goes, There Goes Civilization.

My Mind Works . . . Two Boobs Never Get Me A Job.

You Show Me A Boy Who Brings A Snake Home To His Mother And I'll Show You An Orphan.

I Worry About Scientists Discovering That Lettuce Has Been Fattening All Along.

When You're Lecturing Teenagers And They Begin To Hum And Leave The Room, You Can Sense There Is Hostility.

Everyone I Talked To Was A Recording-the Bank, The Elevator, Your Office, The School, A Wrong Number. You Used To Be Able To Call A Wrong Number And Get A Person.