When I Have A Really Hot Date

I'm Watching Some Television Tonight. I'm Watching The Discovery Channel. You Know, This Channel, You Never Ever Plan On Watching This. It Just Happens. You're Flickin' Around, All Of A Sudden - Boom - You're Watching A Mole For An Hour-and-a-half.

A Lot Of Comics Are Kind Of Vampire Types; We Do Our Shows And Disappear Into The Night. My Philosophy Was, This Is Like Politics, And If I Want People To Know About My Campaign, I'm Going To Go Out There And Shake Hands.

It's Not For Any Purpose Such As Religion, Health, Or Things Like That, I Just Never Felt I Had The Need Or Want To Drink Or Do Drugs.

Why Do They Call It The Restroom? Is There Anybody Just Resting In This Room?

Listening To Evanescence Makes Me Want To Break Up With A Girl In Real Time As A Giant Antique Hourglass Falls To The Floor In Slow Motion.