When I'm Funny Is When I'm Angriest.

Here's Why I Think There's Something A Little Odd With George Bush. Because A Lot Of The Times When He Speaks, His Words Don't Match His Face. Something Is Askew. You Can't Talk About The War With A Smile On Your Face. He Does It Constantly. If You're The President, You Should Go We're Going To Talk About The War, I Must Have A Frowny Face. The Only Time You Can Smile When You're Talking About The War In Iraq Is When You Go, Well, Two Iraqis Walk Into A Bar, Hahaha.

I Don't Know If Watching Chaz Bono Will Turn Your Kids Into Transsexuals, But I'm Pretty Sure That Letting Them Watch Keith Ablow Will Turn Them Into Assholes

When We Anticipate, We're The Happiest. Unless You're On Antidepressants. The Reason You Take Antidepressants Is Because You Can't Anticipate. You Think Everything's Going To Be Horrible, So It Usually Is.

This Is How Sad My Life Is: I Got A Scar From Scratching My Chicken Pox Too Much. That's My Big Scar Story. I Really Have No Major Scars.

I Do The Same Gig. I Might Change It A Little; I Might Slow It Down If I'm In The South. I Talk Fast, And They're Not Used To People Talking That Fast.