When I'm Wrong I'm Like The Emperor

I'm In A New Club, By The Way. And I Don't Know If You're First Timers Like I Am, But I'm In The 'i Just Dropped My Cell Phone In My Own Piss' Club. Have You Done That? Yeah, Good Times. I'm On The Phone And I Forget That I'm Using Shoulder Technique. Urinals Were Taken So I Went In To Use The Regular John. And As I'm Standing There, Mid-conversation, I'm Like 'are You Serious?' And It Just Started To Toboggan Right Down My Powerful Chest.

I'm Willing To Write A Check For $10,000 If Someone Can Bring To Me What I Fell Is Ruining Thousands Of Lives, Destroying Lives Everyday. And I Know That You Know It's A Little Thing Called Chupacabra.

I'm Interested In Doing Anything And Everything That I Can To Squeeze The Creativity Out Of My Brain. I Guess I'm Kind Of A Performance Rat, That's What I Want To Do, I Love Being On Stage If I'm Not On A Set. I Just Love Putting Creativity Into A Performance.

I Can Always Get Better. A Lot Of My Ex-girlfriends Don't Think I'm Funny.

When You Are Doing Stand-up Comedy, You Are The Writer, Producer, Director, Sometimes Bouncer.