When I Take My Kid To School,

I Was Raised By A Mother Who Told Me I Was Great Every Day Of My Life.

One Night I Couldn't Sleep. It Was Like 2:00 In The Morning. I Was Thinking, 'what Can I Do?' I'm Watching Tv. I'm Like, 'let Me Do Something Else.' I'm Not Going To Fall Asleep For A Few Hours. What Are My Hobbies? There Was The Masturbation Option. I Skipped That Because Just Knowing My Kids Are Down The Hall I Felt Psychotic. So, I Went With Watching More Tv. I Couldn't Come Up With Anything. I Was Going, 'god, Read A Book.' Then I Was Like This, 'where Do I Keep The Books?' I've Got Nothing To Do But Watch Tv.

The Only Reason I Got Into Stand-up Was Because My Brother Told Me To. I Had No Idea What I Was Going To Do With My Life. I Was 17 And My Brother Went To A Comedy Club And He Said - You Can Do That.

How Do I Speak Spanish? Not Too Well. Paz Taught Me A Few Words That, If People Weren't Nice To Me, I Could Tell Them A Few Things. I Got To Study With [chef] Thomas Keller, Who We All Love As A Guy And Jim Had A Relationship With Him At [his Restaurant] The French Laundry.

In High School I Wanted To Be A Rock Star And Was In A Lot Of Bands.