When I Used To Do The Edinburgh

Am I Allowed To Call Myself Working-class Now? Because Obviously I'm Now Very Rich.

I Looked At Longevity In Show Business When I Was About 13, And The People Who Seemed To Have Longevity Were The Ones Who'd Spent Quite A Bit Of Time Learning About What They Were Doing Before They Made It.

When I Turned About 12 Or 13, I Realised That Being Funny Wasn't About Remembering Jokes. It Was About Creating Them.

In 1987, I Was In Edinburgh Doing My First One-man Show. I Took Part In A Kickabout With Some Fellow Comedians And Tripped Over My Trousers And Heard This Cracking Sound In My Leg. A Couple Of Days Later I Went Into A Coma And Was Diagnosed With A Pulmonary Embolism.

If You Stay In A House And You Go To The Bathroom And There Is No Toilet Paper, You Can Always Slide Down The Banisters. Don't Tell Me You Haven't Done It.