When I Wake Up On A Monday

I Really Don't Take Any Interest At All In Contemporary Comedy.

The Thing About Improvisation Is That It's Not About What You Say. It's Listening To What Other People Say. It's About What You Hear.

When I Wake Up On A Monday Morning And I Realise I Don't Have To Go And Work At The Civil Service, I Really Think I've Won.

My Favourite Riposte To A Heckle Is To Say, 'excuse Me, I'm Trying To Work Here. How Would You Like It If I Stood Yelling Down The Alley While You're Giving Blow Jobs To Transsexuals?'

I Don't Always Vote In General Elections, But I Think I've Always Voted Labour.