When I Wake Up On A Monday

I've Never Been Disappointed By Politicians. I've Never Invested That Much In Them In The First Place.

My Favourite Riposte To A Heckle Is To Say, 'excuse Me, I'm Trying To Work Here. How Would You Like It If I Stood Yelling Down The Alley While You're Giving Blow Jobs To Transsexuals?'

On My First Day In New York A Guy Asked Me If I Knew Where Central Park Was. When I Told Him I Didn't, He Said: Do You Mind If I Mug You Here?

It Was A Bizarre Existence I Led In My Early Twenties - That Cliche Of The Comedian Who Goes Out And Entertains A Roomful Of People And Then Goes Home To A Lonely Bedsit Was Unbelievably Poignant For Me Because That Was Exactly What I Was Doing. I Had Periods Of Real Loneliness.

When I Was Nine I Spent A Lot Of My Time Reading Books About The History Of Comedy, Or Listening To The Goons Or Hancock, Humour From Previous Generations.