When You Have A Fat Friend There

There Are Jokes I Know I Want To Tell, And There's Sort Of A Rough Order, But Usually I Try To Change It Up Every Show, To Improvise And Talk With The Audience. I Think When You Tell Jokes, If You're Not Careful, You Can End Up Telling The Whole List Of Jokes And Then That's It. And That Can Get A Little Boring.

As Soon As I Jumped Out Of The Airplane, I Realized I Had Forgotten My Parachute. Thank God We Were Still On The Runway.

Conclusions Are Based In Time. We Live In Time. So Any Definition Of Success Is Bound Up With Time. With Other Things You Can Say, "can I Yo-yo? Can I Juggle?" Usually You Have A Pretty Small Window In Which To Get Your Answer. Stand-up Is Different. You Can't Do Stand-up For One Night And Say, "am I A Funny Stand-up Comedian?" In Two Months Or Two Years You'll Start To Realize It.

I Just Know Keeping Track Of What I'm Doing And Where I'm Going Is Important To Me.

If You Are Wearing A Bandana You Better Have Something Wise To Say, Because You Are Starting With A Credibility Deficit.