Why Buy A Book When You Can

Telling Someone With Depression To Pull Themselves Together Is About As Useful As Telling Someone With Cancer To Just Stop Having Cancer

I Never Understood Redemption When I Was Young. Even Before I Was An Atheist, I Always Thought With The Prodigal Son, "well, Why's He Getting The Special Treatment?"

I Think, As A Comedian, The Funniest You Can Be Is With People You Know, And [whom] You've Known For Years, In A Pub. That's As Funny As You Get, And So The Aim [while Stand-up] Is To Get That Funny On Stage With 5,000 Strangers, To Get That Funny In A Room Where People Shouldn't Be Listening But They Are.

Suggesting I Hate People With Religion Because I Hate Religion Is Like Suggesting I Hate People With Cancer Because I Hate Cancer.

There's No Difference Between Fame And Infamy Now. There's A New School Of Professional Famous People That Don't Do Anything. They Don't Create Anything.