Why Is It That When You Wipe

I Have The Worst Memory Ever So No Matter Who Comes Up To Me - They're Just, Like, 'i Can't Believe You Don't Remember Me!" I'm Like, 'oh Dad I'm Sorry!

My Point Is, Life Is About Balance. The Good And The Bad. The Highs And The Lows. The Pina And The Colada.

I Have A Terrible Problem With Procrastination. A Friend Told Me, "well, You Should Go To Therapy." And I Thought About It, But Then I Said, "wait A Minute. Why Should I Pay A Stranger To Listen To Me Talk When I Can Get Strangers To Pay To Listen To Me Talk?" And That's When I Got The Idea Of Touring.

I Just Like Observing People - It's Something I've Done Ever Since I Was A Kid, And I Got Really Good At It. That's A Big Part Of Why I Became A Comedian. My Audience Is Filled With Every Kind Of Person You Can Imagine, And I Love That.

I'm Going To Be Kind, Because Then It All Just Kind Of Spreads, And The World Is A Little Nicer Out There.